apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
