THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
