Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
