I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
