I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
