Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
