I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
