i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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