i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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