Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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