I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
