Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
