you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
