I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
