shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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