i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
