Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
