Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
