You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
