Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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