i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
