She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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