Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
