So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
