Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
