I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
