his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
