i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The beer is more important than you right now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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