i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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