I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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