he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Four minutes until I can fart!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
