You can't motorboat a personality
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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