I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
