this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
