Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
