Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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