I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
