I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
