Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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