I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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