I think my fart just growled at me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
