I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
