Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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