isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
