two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
