why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dignity is for republicans.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
