pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
