# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
