saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How external is "for external use only"?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
