Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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