I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
