I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
