this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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